An Interview with Freedom From Abuse

Who are you, who are Freedom from Abuse and why was it set up?

My name is Marilyn Hawes and in another life, I was a teacher. I sadly discovered after knowing the Head as a personal friend for 17 years and as my boss for 10 of those years, that he was a paedophile and had abused young boys across several schools all his life, which included my three sons. In the end I managed to have him jailed. I then realised something was desperately missing from safeguarding training. It was clear that what everyone misses, and still to this day do, are the adverse BEHAVIOURS displayed in plain sight during the grooming process. For this reason, I set up safeguarding training in 2004 which was ground breaking and unique in its approach and results

In this edition, we have interviewed Marilyn Hawes, the founder and CEO of Freedom From Abuse, a Community Interest Company (CIC) that aims to prevent child sexual abuse through education and training.

How do you help schools and what services do you provide?

We train schools on identifying adverse behaviours and identifying:

• Grooming offline;

• Grooming online;

• Child sexual abuse (CSA);

• Child sexual exploitation (CSE);

• County Lines; and

• The impact of abuse and how it manifests in behaviours and managing adverse behaviours.

We use the Thrive Programme, of which I am an ambassador, to move people forward. This is a life coaching programme with a 98% success rate, which also trains school staff to implement the programme in-house. Our training is aside of level 1, 2 and 3 safeguarding training; we train schools on PREVENTING the abuse in the first instance as soon as possible.

We also have relevant lawyers who work in child abuse and family law and signpost to a raft of organisations and charities with whom we have become known to over the last 15 years. We also have trainers in level 1, 2 and 3 safeguarding, but our training then makes these courses relevant.

After using our services, all schools and organisations have free access to documents and updates and can use us at any time for advice.

The impact of child abuse is traumatic and specific therapy and life coaching is needed to help move people forward to thrive, not merely survive. We cannot change our past but we can change our future. Children have only a small window to thrive and reach their full potential and waiting for CAMHS and months to be seen by NHS counsellors is unacceptable. We often signpost clients to the thrive programme or trauma therapists if more appropriate.

Who is responsible for safeguarding and child protection in schools?

Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility. Everyone who comes into contact with children and their families has a role in identifying concerns, sharing concerns and taking prompt action. Every school should have a Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) who will support staff in carrying out their safeguarding duties and who will be responsible for liaising with external agencies, such as children’s social care. Usually, a DSL will be a Deputy Head or pastoral care workers, however recently I discovered in one school it was a dinner lady! Another school recently had the Deputy Head and his wife, which in these days should never happen. There should be at least three DSLs/deputy DSLs who are unrelated and a mix of genders.

What would you say schools struggle with the most in terms of their safeguarding responsibilities?

Schools don't want to be wrong and some people are terrified of being right. If there is a behavioural issue with a member of staff, it is the worst scenario for a Head to manage. In the last year or two, we have found children's services have raised their thresholds and dismiss REAL issues, leaving schools bereft and abandoned as to what to do next.

We have found that where there are overly sexualised behaviours, sometimes these are ignored as ‘child's play’. Police take their cue from social services. We have found that across the UK, schools have to really punch their weight to be heard. I could keep you hear until Christmas with stories of failing children's services.

If schools try to ignore grooming and it turns out to be real and the media find out, there is your school’s excellent reputation in tatters and on the internet forever.

Why is it so crucial that everyone learns what to look out for in those at risk and those who are the risk?

I visit child abusers in prisons. If you came with me, you would understand how deceptively clever they are and how they deliberately work in plain sight so as to normalise their exaggerated interest in certain children.

Unless we all understand the underlying issues about the perpetrators, we cannot successfully intervene. Many child abusers begin their sexualised interest in primary schools. Many choose careers at 16 years old to bring them in the frontline of children. Like it or not, child abuse is rife globally. We are all naïve if we think we don't know someone abusing.

Appropriate prevention training should be uncomfortable in order to open minds and teach observation skills, therefore providing better outcomes.

This is about children's lives. EVERY child has the right to be protected and every adult has the duty of care to understand how to prevent the harm. The impact of child abuse leaves permanent scars.

Please could you explain what ‘county lines’ is and why it is now so important to be aware of?

County lines are established mobile phone lines used by drug cartels and the use of railway lines. There are now known to be 900 lines across England and Wales. They are now moving out from urban cities to the rural and seaside areas. They seek those with ‘clean skins’ to be their drug mules. These are middle-class kids around 12 years to 15 years old who are targeted and asked if they would like to earn money. Given a packet and a rail ticket, they meet someone at a location in exchange for an envelope of cash, which they hand over on return. They have been used to carry class A drugs. However, if they realise they have done something foolish, there is no escape. 48% of acid attacks are linked to county lines. Those who try to escape are also sexually abused, raped and exploited.

Drug cartels also target vulnerable and disabled people and groom and befriend them and ‘cuckoo’. This means they enter the person’s house for a few days and the occupants are not allowed out whilst the house is used as a drug delivery and distribution base. The cartels are now also using holiday caravans, canal barges, holiday chalets and university campuses as bases.

This is an annual £500 million business and these are serious criminals carrying out such organised crime.

Are there any behaviours children will display if they are being abused?

There are a selection of several behaviours, not just one specific behaviour as it is not an exact science.

Behaviours include:

• Change of positive to negative behaviours;

• Regressed behaviour;

• Truancy;

• School exclusions;

• Sudden anger and violence;

• Self-harming;

• Addictions;

• Regressive behaviours like wetting;

• Genital infections;

• Drop in academic work success;

• Eating disorders;

• Inability to concentrate;

• Day dreaming;

• Stealing;

• Lack of trust in adults and a resentment of authority;

• Fear of a particular adult;

• Sexual awareness beyond the appropriate age;

• Suicidal thoughts;

• Nervous complaints, e.g. tummy upsets;

• Twitches;

• Unaccountable fear of places, e.g. dark cupboards;

• Socially withdrawn;

• Secretive;

• Difficulty in walking and sitting;

• Low esteem;

• Bruises and scratches and bite marks;

• Early pregnancy;

• Itchiness and soreness around genitals;

• Delayed language development, e.g. the inability to write in a creative way whilst being bright in other subjects; and

• Stammers.

The frontal lobal area of the brain is damaged by the cortisol raised through trauma and this breaks neural pathways and changes the landscape of the brain. 91% of poor school success is attributed to child abuse.

Are there any behaviours to look out for in those who are the risk?

Again, there are a selection of many behaviours, not just one specific behaviour.

Behaviours include:

• Overly exaggerated behaviours;

• Overly generous;

• Always isolating a child;

• Favouring certain looks - blond girls or dark hair boys;

• Ready excuses when behaviour is challenged;

• Distort the power of secrets;

• Targeting the vulnerable;

• Lap sitting;

• Romping and wrestling;

• Taking certain children on exciting trips; and

• Tickling games.

Also, abusers will groom the parent or carer to build trust and this can take four to five years. They are patient. Abusers can be married. They are very plausible and often very charming and the least likely person you would expect. Often they will have an air of authority, bigging themselves up and talking about their great works. Abusers will also use pornography and the internet.

The clue is to tune into your instinct! If it FEELS wrong, it most likely is. Your instinct is your second brain and is your internal alarm system. Don’t challenge what you FEEL and SENSE; put distance between the child and the person of concern and watch what happens next.

We have plenty of examples in Jimmy Savile. Abusers go through a four stage check list of a blue print behaviour building up to the abuse.

Write down any and all behaviours which make you feel creepy or uncomfortable. You will see a timeline emerge.

What should a member of staff in a school do if they are concerned that a child may be being abused, or if they suspect someone is an abuser?

You should report your concerns to the Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL), or deputy DSL, along with your reasons as this will support the allegation. Every little observation which feels wrong should be reported. Your report could be the piece which joins up the dots for the DSL. Also make sure you go back to the DSL once the concern has been reported and gain assurance that the complaint is being managed.

What safeguarding dangers does the internet hold and how should schools manage these?

The issue is not technology, but the way in which people use it. We train all pupils in schools about critical thinking and the implications of acting without thinking and what that will look like in a few weeks down the line.

Huge numbers of children don't even think about ‘www’ being the world wide web, but vast numbers are speaking to strangers online. Parents are equally in the dark, but to be fair to schools, when they offer training courses such as ours, very few parents attend. We are all in this together and schools cannot be responsible for everything. Parents buy the devices, so they should police use.

Our training is very strong on this issue and our results when we train all pupils and staff and the few parents who turn out are remarkable. Our training in this area also focuses on the behaviours of how perpetrators behave online.

What is CSE, CSA and grooming?

County lines are established mobile phone lines used by drug cartels and the use of railway lines. There are now known to be 900 lines across England and Wales. They are now moving out from urban cities to the rural and seaside areas. They seek those with ‘clean skins’ to be their drug mules. These are middle-class kids around 12 years to 15 years old who are targeted and asked if they would like to earn money. Given a packet and a rail ticket, they meet someone at a location in exchange for an envelope of cash, which they hand over on return. They have been used to carry class A drugs. However, if they realise they have done something foolish, there is no escape. 48% of acid attacks are linked to county lines. Those who try to escape are also sexually abused, raped and exploited.

Drug cartels also target vulnerable and disabled people and groom and befriend them and ‘cuckoo’. This means they enter the person’s house for a few days and the occupants are not allowed out whilst the house is used as a drug delivery and distribution base. The cartels are now also using holiday caravans, canal barges, holiday chalets and university campuses as bases.

This is an annual £500 million business and these are serious criminals carrying out such organised crime.

Which children and young people are most at risk?

ALL children are at risk, but the most vulnerable children are always at the highest risk. Vulnerable children include those who are less robust or resilient, and those who are timid, being bullied, already being abused, lonely or grieving.

Abusers target their next victims by vulnerability and that of the parent or carers, and have it nailed to the micro movements in the vulnerable person’s behaviour; the way they walk, hold their head, eye contact etc.

What should schools do in order to access Freedom from Abuse’s services?

Please call us directly (07484 541727) or email (marilyn.hawes@freedom-abuse.org) and please do so before you need us to help sweep up a disaster.

Freedom from Abuse website: freedom-abuse.org.

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